The Essential Gift Guide for Leaders: The Christmas Edition 🎁 Five Languages of Appreciation at Work

Showing your team and colleagues how much you appreciate their efforts is one of the great joys of work.

However, for some managers they experience feelings of frustration and disappointment when they talk about showing appreciation to their employees. Which is the exact opposite feeling appreciation and gratitude is intended to create. But this is not a case of employees being ungrateful. Rather, this is about managers thinking more critically about how people have different ways of showing and receiving appreciation.

One common theme I talk about with managers around this time of year is how they plan to celebrate the end of year. Common examples I hear are:

• giving staff gifts,

• off-site retreats and

• catered staff Christmas parties

But often the conversations shifts, and we end up talking about how these efforts can fall flat with some team members. This can result in the manager feeling really deflated and confused.

So, I have created this essential gift guide for managers to help avoid those frustrations and make decisions about how the team shows gratitude in a meaningful way.

BTW - this is the Christmas edition, so I’ve included examples that are seasonally aligned 🎄

The Five Love Languages

Have you heard about “The Five Love Languages”? Well, you can thank Gary Chapman’s bestselling book of the same title, which hit the market in 1992. This idea was based on years of collecting qualitative data based on working with hundreds of couples seeking relationship counselling. Chapman is a relationship counsellor, so he was well placed to notice themes when couples talked about the ways they expressed and received love from each other.

The love languages continue to be a valuable concept for couples wanting to develop a better understanding of their preferred way to show love.

But would you be surprised to learn that there are similar patterns in relationships in other contexts, including workplaces?

Love Languages at Work?

In 2012, Gary Chapman collaborated with Dr Paul White to create, “The Five Languages of Appreciation at Work”.

While similar to the five love languages in Chapman’s original book, these concepts have been adapted to make them more appropriate for workplaces. The authors say that everyone has a primary language of appreciation. In my leadership consultancy practice, I know that the way people show appreciation can be very different to how they receive it. So, when I talk about this with clients I recommend thinking about gratitude as an interactive process of giving and receiving.

I’ve created the following list of examples to highlight some excellent ideas to help you find the right solutions for your team. Just remember, there may be a range of languages of appreciation across your team so you will need to keep this in mind when planning.

The Five Languages of Appreciation at Work

Words of Affirmation

Do you tell your team you appreciation their efforts? This is a common way people prefer to receive appreciation so be sure to include this as part of showing your appreciation. Some practical examples include a hand written personalised card or letter to each member of the team. Did you know Jane Cay, Founder and CEO of Birdnest hand writes cards to all her staff every year. Her team is around 150 people and it takes her about 3 days so it speaks volumns about this being a meaningful way to show appreciation.

Another great example is to speak to your team 1:1 or make a short and heartfelt speech at your end of year gathering.

Quality Time

The end of year catered Christmas party is a common example but it can really miss the mark with some people.

Spending quality time as a team needs to reflect the common values of the team. Where I see people getting this language of appreciation wrong is when it becomes over complicated. Engaging 200 staff in a game of trivia may seem fun to some, but it really misses the mark of quality time. And if the Christmas party is about quality time, then keep this as the focus. Choose a venue that is conducive for people to talk and does not unintentionally isolate people. Christmas parties are great for socially skilled people, but if you have quieter, introverted people on your team - Christmas parties offer zero joy.

Remember: quality time will not be everyone’s ideal way of receiving appreciation so be careful to not place too much emphasis on trying to make this experience work for people who prefer to receive appreciation in a different way.

Receiving Gifts

Gifts can be very meaningful ways for some people to feel appreciated at work.

A gift can go a long way, but it can be costly if the gift is not the person’s language of appreciation.

Great gift ideas I’ve seen hit the mark with teams include:

• off-site experiences with an artist who guided the team to each create an artwork

• gift hampers

• catered team lunches with a musician (this is an example of both quality time and receiving gifts)

• an overnight retreat with yoga, catered lunch and accommodation

• a company that gives gift cards to all employees to give to their partner for a remedial massage

If you do prefer to show appreciation with gifts, there are many fun and creative ways to show your appreciation.

An important part of this process is to first recognise who values this and who doesn’t before investing in this particular method.

Acts of Service

When a colleague offers you support and assistance when needed, does this make your heart sing? Then acts of service is your language of appreciation. I once worked with a team whose collective love language was making a round of brews for the team. The simple act of making someone a cup of tea or coffee is very underrated and a leadership practice I would recommend to most.

Examples of ways you can show appreciation to your team could include:

• arranging window cleaning service for their home

• book a car detailing service to do a Christmas clean for everyone onsite

• provide access to a professional gift wrapping service

There are some logistical challenges associated with acts of service, but hopefully you get inspired with thinking creatively about what acts of service would be most meaningul.

The trick is to listen to your staff carefully - they will share big end of year frustrations and the trick is to find a workable solution for their big problem.

Appropriate Physical Touch

It is critical to understand that while a high five or a hug might be your way of saying “I appreciate you”, this approach needs to be navigated with care and caution.

Ensure this language is a shared language before launching into a hug with a non-hugger. But for some people on your team, a heart-felt handshake could be the greatest sign of appreciation that you’ve been overlooking until now.

Taking Action

Think about the ways you are currently showing appreciation and consider if this is hitting the mark for everyone. It helps to understand your own preferences as this can often be the way you are showing appreciation to others.

Showing appreciation is not about equality - giving everyone the same thing, it’s about equity - giving everyone what they need. Get to know the different ways people in your team prefer to show and receive appreciation.

I’d suggest talking to your team about the different ways you can show each other gratitude for the work you do, not only at Christmas but also throughout the year.

Add this article to your favourites list for future inspiration to plan for different ways you can show your appreciation for a colleague or manager.

Or, if your workplace needs a more customised approach to improve the quality of work relationships or address existing team dysfunction, get in contact with me directly.